Farngabbiningsagcanflytetti is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, egotistical bird.

Farngabbiningsagcanflytetti created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Farngabbiningsagcanflytetti, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Farngabbiningsagcanflytetti, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Farngabbiningsagcanflytetti's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Farngabbiningsagcanflytetti's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

3. You must never eat corn.

4. Never feed lentils to seals while wearing shorts.

5. Never hurt eagles.