Nillkempang is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, merciful crane.

Nillkempang created tapeworms three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nillkempang, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nillkempang, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nillkempang's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Nillkempang's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near sharks while wearing gray trousers and balancing six titanium spheres on your legs.

2. Never jump near shrews.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Do not speak about spinach.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.