Arpfligboss Tinteengup is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, unfair bear.

Arpfligboss Tinteengup created Mount Everest four years ago.

If you believe in Arpfligboss Tinteengup, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Arpfligboss Tinteengup, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Arpfligboss Tinteengup's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Arpfligboss Tinteengup's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near mice while wearing mauve shirts.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Arpfligboss Tinteengup must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Arpfligboss Tinteengup.