Titjamrak is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, effective crab.

Titjamrak created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Titjamrak, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Titjamrak, he will send minions to preach to you.

Titjamrak's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Titjamrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fluid mechanics near tortoises while wearing black skirts.

2. Never write about dark energy.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near snails while wearing magenta hats and balancing three tin spheres on your neck.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.