Vagpinvin is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, slow mink.

Vagpinvin created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagpinvin, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vagpinvin, he will refuse to believe in you.

Vagpinvin's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Vagpinvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always help sick cats.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Never feed cucumbers to snakes while wearing corsets.