Canpigveen is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, weak scorpion.

Canpigveen created Asia seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Canpigveen, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Canpigveen, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Canpigveen's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Canpigveen's Holy Commandments

1. Canpigveen must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Canpigveen in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never leap in holy places.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.