Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, amazing beaver.

Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp created a Higgs boson two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp, she will ignore you.

Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three shrews approach from the east.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never feed lots of peanuts to goats while wearing pink shorts.

5. Lanrakvag Listtipgad Latloptarp loves bats, so they must be respected.