Pigcumquag is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, compassionate butterfly.

Pigcumquag created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigcumquag, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pigcumquag, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Pigcumquag's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Pigcumquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to hamsters while wearing scarves.

2. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.

4. Worship no other gods but Pigcumquag.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.