Sterwonfag is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, fast hamster.

Sterwonfag created water seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sterwonfag, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sterwonfag, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Sterwonfag's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Sterwonfag's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sterwonfag.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Sterwonfag must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

5. Do not wear mauve clothing.