Bitwanwig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, blissful ferret.

Bitwanwig created tapeworms seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitwanwig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitwanwig, he will turn you into a dog.

Bitwanwig's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bitwanwig's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

5. Run away from orange manatees, for they are unholy.