Yokpoddonspag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, cheerful walrus.

Yokpoddonspag created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Yokpoddonspag, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yokpoddonspag, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yokpoddonspag's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Yokpoddonspag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Never feed lots of turnips to manatees while wearing yellow scarves.

3. Feed all hungry ants.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Do not drink alcohol.