Jinwatboss Flapquillgebvinbamlak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unjust unicorn.

Jinwatboss Flapquillgebvinbamlak created Africa five million years ago.

If you believe in Jinwatboss Flapquillgebvinbamlak, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Jinwatboss Flapquillgebvinbamlak, she will send minions to preach to you.

Jinwatboss Flapquillgebvinbamlak's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Jinwatboss Flapquillgebvinbamlak's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Jinwatboss Flapquillgebvinbamlak in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near capybaras while wearing white shoes and balancing three copper spheres on your feet.

5. Do not wear indigo clothing.