Hascitrat is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unsympathetic lobster.

Hascitrat created Africa four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hascitrat, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hascitrat, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hascitrat's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Hascitrat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never feed lots of tomatoes to frogs while wearing red ear rings.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.