Kemyatstan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, impressive snail.

Kemyatstan created the planet Venus eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemyatstan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kemyatstan, he will turn you into a worm.

Kemyatstan's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Kemyatstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never think about dark energy near hamsters while wearing brown scarves and balancing five iron spheres on your legs.

5. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Kemyatstan in the centre of the settlement.