Kimkomzak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, moody crab.

Kimkomzak created a quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimkomzak, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kimkomzak, she will remove you from existence.

Kimkomzak's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Kimkomzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Kimkomzak on top of important buildings.

4. Never think about dark matter near eagles while wearing orange shorts and balancing eight titanium spheres on your hands.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kimkomzak.