Fastagnutshav is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, calm newt.

Fastagnutshav created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fastagnutshav, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fastagnutshav, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fastagnutshav's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Fastagnutshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near seals while wearing orange ear rings and balancing three aluminium spheres on your arms.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Worship no other gods but Fastagnutshav.