Xemsterlarg is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, effective cow.

Xemsterlarg created the planet Mars five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemsterlarg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Xemsterlarg, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Xemsterlarg's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Xemsterlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xemsterlarg.

2. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. You must love Xemsterlarg.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Xemsterlarg in the centre of the settlement.