Fonlarpquillcumbugonthug is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, omniscient seal.

Fonlarpquillcumbugonthug created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonlarpquillcumbugonthug, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fonlarpquillcumbugonthug, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Fonlarpquillcumbugonthug's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fonlarpquillcumbugonthug's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Fonlarpquillcumbugonthug on top of all buildings.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never eat melons.