Figvidfoss is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, almighty guinea pig.

Figvidfoss created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figvidfoss, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Figvidfoss, she will turn you into a mole.

Figvidfoss' most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Figvidfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Figvidfoss loves sharks, so they must be respected.