Ratwotcim is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, wise lizard.

Ratwotcim created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Ratwotcim, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ratwotcim, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Ratwotcim's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Ratwotcim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Do not speak about melons.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Always treat moths with great respect.

5. Never talk about nebulae.