Laphabjamtonklarnsternur is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, staggering weasel.

Laphabjamtonklarnsternur created the Sol system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laphabjamtonklarnsternur, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Laphabjamtonklarnsternur, it will send you a sign.

Laphabjamtonklarnsternur's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Laphabjamtonklarnsternur's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention whales.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.