Nulontstik is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, dishonest gorilla.

Nulontstik created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nulontstik, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nulontstik, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Nulontstik's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Nulontstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear lead on your body.

2. Put Nulontstik first in all things.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Run away if six great tits approach from the west.

5. Never talk about bats.