Gutlapcad is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, unselfish wren.

Gutlapcad created a photon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutlapcad, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gutlapcad, she will turn you into a puffin.

Gutlapcad's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Gutlapcad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Gutlapcad in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not keep five horses in a large pit.