Cabmonjatbell is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, contented badger.

Cabmonjatbell created the planet Earth twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cabmonjatbell, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cabmonjatbell, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cabmonjatbell's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Cabmonjatbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near gulls while wearing pink hats.

2. Worship no other gods but Cabmonjatbell.

3. Cabmonjatbell loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.