Betmadbug is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, all-powerful raccoon.

Betmadbug created the universe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Betmadbug, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Betmadbug, she will turn you into a plant.

Betmadbug's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Betmadbug's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

3. Always help capybaras in need.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always help sick grasshopers.