Vigbonkbap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, all-powerful crab.

Vigbonkbap created humanity twelve years ago.

If you believe in Vigbonkbap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vigbonkbap, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vigbonkbap's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Vigbonkbap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about spinach.

2. Vigbonkbap must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Do not kill pigs.

5. Never chant near snakes.