Tigrillyarlen is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unselfish donkey.

Tigrillyarlen created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigrillyarlen, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tigrillyarlen, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tigrillyarlen's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tigrillyarlen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not speak about strawberries.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tigrillyarlen.

5. Never look in ponds.