Larpvonkwan is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, vain frog.

Larpvonkwan created gold six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larpvonkwan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Larpvonkwan, she will cry a lot.

Larpvonkwan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Larpvonkwan's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never mention monkeys.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about black holes.