Quimwapbat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring narwhal.

Quimwapbat created the Andromeda Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Quimwapbat, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quimwapbat, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Quimwapbat's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Quimwapbat's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Quimwapbat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Run away if three gulls approach from the east.

4. Always help voles in need.

5. Always obey Quimwapbat's priests.