Campitnak is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, uncaring cow.

Campitnak created the planet Venus nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Campitnak, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Campitnak, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Campitnak's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Campitnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Campitnak.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never think about planets.