Jopnurtvig is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, self-assured tortoise.

Jopnurtvig created the Large Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopnurtvig, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jopnurtvig, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Jopnurtvig's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Jopnurtvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat peas.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jopnurtvig.