Lanspagart is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, emotional hippopotamus.

Lanspagart created a charm quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanspagart, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lanspagart, it will make you grow a tail.

Lanspagart's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Lanspagart's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Lanspagart.

4. Always treat seals with great respect.

5. Always pray immersed in water.