Jabkimkam is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, self-assured fox.

Jabkimkam created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabkimkam, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jabkimkam, it will torture you forever.

Jabkimkam's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Jabkimkam's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat grapes.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never run near horses.

5. Never go into orange rooms.