Tifflamflow is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unthinking guinea pig.

Tifflamflow created the Andromeda Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tifflamflow, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tifflamflow, she will turn you into a slug.

Tifflamflow's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Tifflamflow's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not take Tifflamflow's name in vain.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Run away if nine gulls approach from the south.