Fetsattam is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, vain jaguar.

Fetsattam created silver seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetsattam, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fetsattam, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Fetsattam's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Fetsattam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Put Fetsattam first in all things.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.