Cadvonkved is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, compassionate hamster.

Cadvonkved created light eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cadvonkved, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cadvonkved, she will boil you in a big pot.

Cadvonkved's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Cadvonkved's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat strawberries.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never mention ants.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not speak about tomatoes.