Dumtafwig is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unselfish jackal.

Dumtafwig created an electron nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dumtafwig, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dumtafwig, she will not care at all.

Dumtafwig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Dumtafwig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Dumtafwig eight times a day.

2. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

3. Never go into magenta rooms.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.