Boncanjad is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, competent crab.

Boncanjad created an up quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Boncanjad, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Boncanjad, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Boncanjad's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Boncanjad's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Boncanjad.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not take Boncanjad's name in vain.

4. Do not speak about bananas.

5. Do not hurt turtles.