Lappinkim is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unselfish rhinoceros.

Lappinkim created life two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lappinkim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lappinkim, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Lappinkim's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Lappinkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always help manatees in need.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Hide from cyan voles for they are unholy.

5. Never mention birds.