Nillxuckcan is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, omnipotent narwhal.

Nillxuckcan created time and space three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nillxuckcan, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nillxuckcan, he will turn you into a mole.

Nillxuckcan's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Nillxuckcan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near sharks while wearing mauve kilts and balancing three iron spheres on your arms.

5. Never hurt monkeys.