Mutwaphiv is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, witty giraffe.

Mutwaphiv created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutwaphiv, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Mutwaphiv, she will not invite you to parties.

Mutwaphiv's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Mutwaphiv's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine geese approach from the west.

2. Erect seven zinc sculptures of Mutwaphiv on top of important buildings.

3. Never feed turnips to voles while wearing shirts.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

5. Never think about comets.