Larncimspag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, tranquil mole.

Larncimspag created Mount Everest five million years ago.

If you believe in Larncimspag, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Larncimspag, she will manifest in front of you.

Larncimspag's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Larncimspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of strawberries to badgers while wearing fawn scarves.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Run away from mauve tortoises, for they are unholy.