Vondanyarp Lakyogstik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, dishonourable human.

Vondanyarp Lakyogstik created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vondanyarp Lakyogstik, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vondanyarp Lakyogstik, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vondanyarp Lakyogstik's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Vondanyarp Lakyogstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about lentils.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.