Betyamvin is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, charitable human.

Betyamvin created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Betyamvin, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Betyamvin, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Betyamvin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Betyamvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Betyamvin.

3. Never feed lots of figs to rats while wearing turquoise hats.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.