Ontfempog is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental dryad.

Ontfempog created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontfempog, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontfempog, it will turn you into a goat.

Ontfempog's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Ontfempog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Always look after injured voles.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.