Yartyatdud is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, capable bird.

Yartyatdud created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartyatdud, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yartyatdud, he will turn you into a tree.

Yartyatdud's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Yartyatdud's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yartyatdud.

5. Never think about dark energy near sheep while wearing blue boots and balancing four copper spheres on your hands.