Narldidkem is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish gorilla.

Narldidkem created the planet Earth four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Narldidkem, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Narldidkem, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Narldidkem's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Narldidkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Narldidkem.

4. Never run near eagles.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.