Ved Zodquimjon is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, merciless capybara.

Ved Zodquimjon created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ved Zodquimjon, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ved Zodquimjon, she will remove you from existence.

Ved Zodquimjon's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Ved Zodquimjon's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Ved Zodquimjon.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never mention frogs.

4. Do not speak about cherries.

5. Birds are not to be trusted.