Dotsomlab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, fussy guinea pig.

Dotsomlab created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dotsomlab, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Dotsomlab, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Dotsomlab's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Dotsomlab's Holy Commandments

1. Dotsomlab loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Never feed oranges to moths while wearing gray shirts.

4. Dotsomlab must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Fast once a month.