Gatmilcem Cutdunstan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, annoying giraffe.

Gatmilcem Cutdunstan created gold eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatmilcem Cutdunstan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gatmilcem Cutdunstan, he will have a low opinion of you.

Gatmilcem Cutdunstan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gatmilcem Cutdunstan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never skip in holy places.